Monday, December 18, 2006

An Open Letter To Smokers

Hello, smokers. I just had to get these things off my chest:

1) You smell. All the time. Whenever you get near other people, they mentally recoil, thinking, "ugh. That guy smells awful."

2) You have no "right" to smoke, either inside or outside. Liberty is being able to do something that doesn't harm others. Second-Hand smoke is poisonous. If you smoke near me, it is as "fair" as me using an unshielded nuclear reactor near you. If you want to smoke where there is little possibility of poisoning others, fine. Go ahead.

3) Although it is commonly claimed that each cigarette you smoke will take off eleven minutes of your life, this does not mean that you will reach the magic age, then spontaneously die. It means that your decay into illness will be more rapid and begin earlier. Your skin will look like it's made of leather at the age of 35, and you will be unable to climb a flight of stairs without stopping for a breather.

4) This really doesn't have anything to do with smoking, but it needs to be said: DO NOT USE APOSTROPHES TO INDICATE PLURALITY. I don't know if smokers do this more often than non-smokers, but they shouldn't do it at all, just like non-smokers.

No comments: